Enlightened

Past, Future, Present
by Graywolf 1/29/2012

Memories of the past become legend.
The dreams of the future become hopes.
I'm happy knowing that now is the when in which I live.

Not a lot to say peeps.  I have many thoughts and musings.  It's hard to sort them out into a coherent flow of words.  However, I do have something to say.  It's not something I'm going to describe. This one, each has to figure out for themselves and how it applies to each of you readers.

Well, I just finished writing this, and I will say something.  The harsh reality is that I've always had a knack for seeing past lies.  Maybe it's just my steadfast approach to reality. I don't know. I've just always dubbed myself a realist, a believer in the truth.  However, I kinda at some point overstepped and began to believe in denial and gave up my belief in the truth.  I instead embraced lies, embraced abuse, and embraced everything that was not healthy for me and existed so far outside of truth that my head almost lived in another dimension.  The dimension of lies. 

I don't know if that makes sense.  However, while my eyes were closed, while I denied the life I was living, while I lived in a veil.  I thought somehow that everything was easy.  I believed lie after lie.  I told myself lie after lie, and when I opened my eyes... the world unraveled before me and I realized I had lived in some form of fantasy.  And once again I embraced the truth.  I sent the lies away from me.   And now, as I look upon reality.  Family, friends, and those around me, I realize, many cannot handle my embracement of honesty.  It terrifies many. Causes many to run away.  They flee, fearing their reflection.

I guess we all, at one point or another, grow comfortable, and even defend our own denial, embracing our entrenched lies more than reality.  It's too bad.  Because you know what?  I'm a caring, loving, kind person.  My honesty is nothing more, than a reflection of life.  No, I don't go around stating brutally honest thoughts that are harmful.  Nor do I go around disguising the truth.   I say what's on my mind with complete respect and regard for others.  I point out the things that seem obvious to me.  Others, spend as much time trying to deny my perceptions.  I don't embrace I'm always right. I have sincerely embraced false things that I thought were truth.  Once proven wrong, I admit my mistake and move on.

Why do I write this, why do I spend all this time on the truth.  In all honesty.  I've lost a lot of friends to the truth.  they remained entrenched in denial and lies.  I hope that people can realize the truth sets us free.  It hurts sometimes, yes.  But, not as much as living in years and years of denial as I once did.   Don't get me wrong, I accept the years of denial I lived in as part of life's lesson to me. to learn the true value of the truth and the value of keeping one's eyes open to reality. 

One just have to be careful the belief in the truth doesn't become self defeating!! Which, is a complex way to state, I'm still learning how to value the truth, and at the same time just accept things as they are. The beauty of life, truth, reality, and simple perception for what they are as they are.

With all that said, here's my written expression...  Enjoy.


It
by Graywolf32 1/25/2012


Defines my reality,
it is indisputable.
It's the facts
that take us through life.
It's what, many times,
is behind our strife.
We find ways to hide it,
deny it,
cover it up.
run away from it.
Escape, flee!!!
It floods me.
It is me.
It is who I am.
And though,
even I have lived under a veil.
Have hidden it from my view.
It has been many years
since I've seen it's beauty.
Here it is before me, it is real.
It exists whether or not,
we each see it.
It exists whether or not we
care about it.
We can have all the money
all the power
all the ability
to deny it's reality.
Yet, it floods us with shame.
For it cannot be hidden.
Yet, it floods us with pain,
for it sometimes hurts.
It floods us with insanity
for sometimes, the lies are so easy!
Most are unable to handle it.
I live in it.
Most flee me, fear uncanny ability
to see what is right in front of me.
And as I point to it,
reflect it with my being,
as I live and bask in it,
embracing it,
many others want nothing to do with it.
They run, escape, deny.
Away they fly.
It's sad.
I shed a tear for their fear.
For it's power
is in freedom.
No longer bound by lies.
No longer bound by denial.
No longer bound by some cage
where I'm filled with rage.
My embrace has freed me.
Delivered me from suffering beyond imagination.
And though, few if any can handle
the reality in which I live.
I go on.
Unwilling to give up my faith, belief, and integrity
that which I hold sacred.
It has hurt.
It has caused pain.
It has not been in vain.

I can I make this anymore plain?
We run, we sprint, as fast as we can.
We try to flee
only it is reality.
we cannot escape it's embrace.
And we will always see it's face.
So, why deny it?
Why run from it?
why not embrace it?
I sometimes don't understance
when it's really so simple.
I will always embrace it.
It has set me free, liberating me from suffering.
And it is now joy and care I bring.
this isn't just some quick fling.
It just has a familiar ring.

I embrace truth.
It's not a game.
It's not something I do in shame.
I don't care about blame.
For, I only care about what is true.
Truth, why is it so complicated?
When it's so simple.

The Time is Now

It's been a while since I've written anything new. I'm actually planning on working on the novel some more this afternoon. I get a few pages in, then I get stalled on what to do next.  Then I come back to it a week later and have no problems moving it forward. LOL.   Strange how that works!! I'm not going to use the excuse I'm too busy to write.. LOL.  Everyone is busy, but, what matters in life is what we make time for. Time for others, time for ourselves, times for friends, times for significant others. Time for family, and so on. 

Anyways. I'm writing this for a special friend.

The Time is Now
by Graywolf 1/15/2012.

You're silly smile
makes me wonder how
I could have passed you up all this while.
I know there's more there.
I get the feeling we both know life hasn't been fair.
And we've both had our share.
The important thing is we've crossed paths.
And though our lights may be dim in heaven's light.
May we both know how to show each other what's right.

Whethere's only one or a hundred tomorrows
just know we have today.
And that's all the time we need to forget all the yesterdays
and quite simply play today.

There's much I look to know
there's so much more than you show.
Don't worry it doesn't matter
where we go.
Time spent, endearing affection earned.

I know I'm atypical.
A little wet behind the ears.
Lacking life's experience over the years.
You've given me a chance
To learn how to do dance.
I may step on your toes!
forgive me as I learn the beat
to this rhythm.
Help me to learn how this song goes!
I'll do my best
to be a quick study.
For it's about time, I'm ready.

I'm not a crystaline vase
nor am I wanting to play games of chase.
I'm real.
Pinch me, give me a feel.
There's nothing false about me.
I do my best to live in the today
so, join me, let's go out and play!
Let the laughter ensue!
Put away all of the yesterdays.
There's no room for them,
Not when we're through with today.

The everpresent now
is that eternal moment
where things are the way they should be.
And my friends that is what matters to me!

Updates!

Well, as promised to my friends and my readership! I've been busy! Arg!  I have kept my promise of working on my novel.  Not as much as I would like, but, Each week I am going to force myself to set aside time to write several pages. That's the only way it's going to get done. 

So, that brings me to some random musings for the day.  In the head of an author, what motivates one to write?  Is it to gain a following (fame)? Fortune?  Nah.  Those are lofty and ambitious goals. And for some, sure, and would I be said if something I wrote made it to the NY Times Best Seller list?  In a way yes, and in a way no.  Why would I be sad you ask? Well, commercialized anything means corrupting the original idea / intent. Many times authors are required to edit and change their material to fit editor's demands for the publisher. That means there is room for the idea and intents to get lost. Might it be a better story, sure, but, that brings us to the true motivation of author's writing and musings.

The term "The pen is more powerful than the sword." is because ideas are dangerous and powerful. Writing one's ideas and thoughts down can be dangerous because there are others that might adopt those ideas and thoughts.  I do not write to incite a revelution, nor do I write to change anyone's views on religion, politics, or anything else for that matter. I just write to get people thinking. 

My other motivation is not about others, but more about me.  I know, a little selfish there! Ha!  For example, the novel I'm working on, I started early in my marriage 9 - 10 years ago. The main antagonist I created is a demonized woman. Hmmmm. Any parallels there?  10 years later, I ended my marriage and now write from a place of healing. So, the novel is about finding healing and good in the world after great evils have ravaged the earth.  How do we recover as a race? How do we find hope amidst destruction?  Within the human condition is a lot of suffering!  How does the human race go forward amidst that suffering and find a place of peace, hope, and maybe even Joy in life?

This is what my novel is about and where I'm going with it.  Although, it has a lot of religious context around it. I write the novel around human suffering and a few attempts by characters to overcome that suffering, to overcome differences, to overcome, prejudices, and attempt to prevail over the greatest evils the universe has ever seen.

It is maybe more epic of an idea than what I can give it full justice.  However, I plan it to be the first of a series. Hopefully just a trilogy at most.  I have ideas on what the second novel would be about, and that will take more of a science fiction approach to the whole religion equation. 

But first, this novel. So, back to the original question why write at all.  My goal, is to express the innermost part of being human.  To express the human condition in words. That's all. The good, the bad, the in between.  It's something that many people can relate to, it's meaningful and can be interpretted how people want to interpret it for themselves.  I write poetry, short stories, and novels all for the same reason. To quite simply in brutal honesty express the Human condition. 

We all, by nature, have good and bad times.  We share in that a bond, being human.  Most people and especially guys wouldn't admit to this depth of feeling, emotion, or humanity, I am not most guys.  I found expressing myself in words is really something that comes natural to me.  I have no delusions of grandeur or fame.  I don't expect to stand alongside Edgar Allen Poe anytime soon.  At the same time, expressing the human condition is something we all can understand, relate to, and with any luck, learn from. :)

That my friends is why I write at all. 

A novel idea!

Well all my followers, I wanted to fill you in, give you a taste of what I'm working on.  I have decided I may be taking on two personal writing projects this year.  The Zombie Wars, is too enticingly fun to pass up.  I may start that next. I plan to turn it into a novel based on the Zombie Diaries short novella.  I think it might be a fun idea and just a completely different twist on zombies in general.  If you're going to use preexisting ideas, one must make them your own.  So, this blog will help me remain accountable.  One of my goals for 2012 will be to start the novel series The Zombie Wars. 

My foremost goal is to finish the 234 page novel I've been working on but set aside for some time. I'm deeply inspired to continue working on it.  It's a fantasized take on spiritual warfare and the spiritual battle for earth.  My distaste for organized religion is somewhat present in the novel as most everything in it would be viewed as blasphemous.  Well, that said, my first and foremost goal from here on out is to finish the novel.  recruit some people to completely go through it and edit it for grammar, typos, misnamed people or situations that don't make sense, etc.  My primary focus will be on finishing the content of the novel.  I consider myself a little over halfway through the novel.  And so, I want to spend a lot of time focussed on finishing it completely. getting it a title and maybe even commission some cover artwork for it.  From there, print some manuscripts and maybe put it on a dusty shelf for such a time as when people would be interested in reading the twisted views I have in my head. .. :)

I want to give you, some tidbits of the novel though.  Bits and pieces to pique you're curiousity.

this is just a short section that I've most recently written, I'll post some other sections throughout that are key pieces of characters etc.

Without any background this may or may not make any sense, but hey, I'm looking more at the descriptive nature of writing than at the overall plot content. ;)

            There before her stood the final prize, the universes were on a convergence of one final location.  The earth was the prize.  A small dusty rock full of life it was unclaimed territory.  Hell now, proceeded to lay its claim to the final prize.   Before Christine could unleash hells fury upon the planet there was one obstacle. Surrounding the planet were new beings. Heavenly beings she had never before seen.  The ancients did not reveal this knowledge to her, she was lost as to who or what they were.  Surrounding the planet, were children in pale white shimmering images.  Their eyes looked ancient, full of ageless knowledge. If the children had any signs of age they would all be between 7 and 12.   Their age was tough to discern because of the depth of their eyes and their pale essences.  They had no solidarity, they were completely opaque.

            They stood unyielding before the hell horde.  None spoke a word. Chris could feel the power emanating from the beings, there was nothing in her power that would surpass the power these beings held, carefully, confidently, she floated the ancient towards the beings. It’s tentacles lashing out, coming dangerously close to being in contact with the beings. She could sense the power flowing through the tentacles of the ancient one.  The entire universe shook with the Ancient’s shock of the ageless souls of these beings.

            Chris held on to her link to the giant blob of eyes floating through space.  Her mind was linked and she could see its endless knowledge flitting through her brain.  She didn’t know what power these beings held onto, but, it was beyond anything she had experienced so far.

            She finally held up her hands in a show of control and leadership of the hordes behind her.  “Fellow beings of ancient powers, I come before you, leading these hordes.  This planet is no longer under the confluence of God’s power, and therefore is released to the powers that claim it.  Let us pass for such is the time of our arrival.  This planet is mine, and the contents therein will bow to me.”

            The children wept in unison, then like an endless wave of spiritual energy they parted.  The earth was now vulnerable.

ode to New Years Day

It's time for something new.  On this day, the first day of the first month of the 2012th year.

New Year's Day
By GrayWolf 1/1/2012.
The energy emanates from all the souls.
The hopes.
The dreams.
All raised in a single glass
all raised as one in a single vocal shout.
Every bit of our existence poured out into
one single unanonymous moment.
It was midnight on the eve of the new year.
All the energy poured out
gazing into their eyes
was so much of the fate of humanity.
Love,
hope,
fear,
rejection,
acceptance,
oh nothing was of happenstance.
Everything all around in one moment
told story of the living.
So many dreams.
So many hopes.
So much
put on the moment of one single second
in time.
The shame, pain, and guilt of the past.
The joy, happiness, and fun, of the past.
All the human existence is shoved away.
nothing brought with, only that which will last.
The hopes and dreams are renewed.
Some kissing, some embracing,
some simply raising their glasses in one
mighty shout.
As though the heavens couldn't hear the muted roar.
It was a moment in time like any other.
However it's where and when humans came together.
That maybe this year, will hold more than year's gone.
The previous year is finally done.
Now to embrace the here and now of this year.
When there's nothing to lose
there's nothing left to fear.
As the first day comes and goes.
I know not what is for me.
I hold on to nothing.
My soul is bare before the heavens.
Let not this soul be empty.
May this year, fill it with new life and hope and dreams.
May those out there.
with hearts held heavy with life.
Know that there's more than this strife.
This life is new, this year is new, and this time
it's for you!