Well, I don't know what to say about this one. A friend of mine, inspired me to write this. We were talking and I discovered I have this abiltiy to go down a rabbit hole that leads to a world of madness and insanity. I don't know if it's my way of avoiding uncomfortable topics, or just the way my brain works. But, regardless, I don't know what I'm doing! Ha!
The Rabbit Hole
by Graywolf 2/18/2012
Here and there
we pass through a dark corridor
I follow it's fluffy white tail.
Wait a second
Is it following me or am I following it?
So scared I'm going to fail.
Suddenly I'm falling as my arms flail.
Down down, or up up?
everything's all upside down.
Wondering when I'll splash and drown.
Finally, feet on the ground.
Or is it a cloud?
Soft and poofy
I walk ever so carefully.
The bunny is under me.
Twitching it's nose as it
displaces puffs of cloud.
I tired, and wondering
why the sound is so loud.
Here and there I hear a trumpeteer.
This is the bunny's hole.
Somedays I wish the bunny were a mole.
It twitches at me to follow.
We walk across cloud after cloud.
We look up and down.
the bunny has a frown.
It points at the ground.
It takes a running leap and jumps into my chest.
And I'm suddenly falling, wondering if
this furryThe critter really knows best.
A puff of dust rises as I strike the hard ground.
no bruises other than a bruised ego.
I walk around and a well mustached wooden toy
walks by and says Hello Amigo!!
I wave as the rigid toy walks by
Soon I walk into a green carpeted room.
Full of grass like carpet.
Soon the queen comes out,
she's clubbing every one and calling
them all a lazy lout!
The army of spades
and various crazy looking creatures come out.
The queen floats up to me on her brilliantly
red cartoon carpet.
She clubs me over the head with her broom!
She gives me a glare that sentences me with doom.
She stops to stare, then hads a crumpled piece of paper.
A loud obnoxious squirrel chitters and chatters as it
hyperly reads the paper.
It stands up bushy tail held high.
And in a booming roar.
Says, it is decided "You do not belong here."
I sigh in relief, knowing fully well, this bunny
had led me astray.
I acknowledge the statement
and ask a tree standing next to me
how do I get out of here.
The whole army being laughing in an uproar.
They told me I am sentenced to nowhere.
It's far from here.
I'm wondering how I get there.
They all eyed me silently.
They said, I've arrived...
As their voices quieted.
They left and disappeared.
The darkness closed in.
This was the sentence carried out.
I don't know what this world is about.
I don't understand the tree or green carpeted room.
Nor did I fully understand the queen of doom.
Yet, somehow, I 've found the place I belong.
It's a land of nowhere.
I didn't know I was already there!
I sit down and stop and stare.
There's nothing around me, no light or splinter.
No fire or tree.
There's just me.
I guess this is how it should be.
WhiteWolf Within
Based on Whitewolf Within
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Sometimes I Wonder
I've been writing more lately (in case you couldn't tell). HA! Unfortunately I haven't gotten to my novel, and so shorter pieces are all I have time for, until I'm done teaching. However, I needed to honor someone in my life. Someone very special. I don't know what the future holds. Whether there's more than a few days or a few months. But, you know, it doesn't matter. I just simply am keeping an open mind, seeing how things go. I'm not forcing anything, I'm simply enjoying what I have.
I write this in dedication to someone very special that is enriching my life. That I pray I am also enriching there's. And well, with valentines coming up. I think this is very appropriate for the season....
Sometimes I wonder
by Graywolf 2/12/2012
Sometimes, I wonder
where you were.
Sometimes I wonder
what's in the future?
I want to look ahead
and see your beautiful eyes
that carefree smile.
how many times
do I pick up and the phone
and find it's you I am about to dial.
Then I put it down and go my way.
There's so much I wish to say.
yet, it is your actions that keep me simply happy.
Yo show me my value to you.
It is simply how you look at me
and your consideration and care.
It's that depth of understanding we share.
I know it hasn't been long.
So, I don't know if any of this is real or true.
It's been a short time.
A few weeks,
and though the time passes quickly
there's so much to learn and know.
One minute I think I know you.
And the next I'm starting new.
Sometimes I'm intimidated
and others I find your sensitive.
It's really nice to see the concern
that comes across those caring eyes.
Though I assure that there's nothing wrong,
Your careful consideration and care come off strong.
It's your actions.
I know I've turned your world upside down.
I know I'm different
I know I don't know how to be or act.
I know it's pretty close to a fact.
I know I don't have much to offer.
I know that sometimes I give too much.
And at times, I'm oblivious to when I give too little.
I know that I'm flawed
and many imperfections are within.
I know at times you're intimidated
by my intelligence.
If you only knew how silly I feel
when put up next to your wise experience.
Though I could coordinate an activity
and sell a project to the highest level exective.
When I come up to you,
I'm but a teenager, learning for the first time
what its like to simply kiss.
And I'm highly impressionable,
subject to silly bliss.
I know few if any understand me.
I know I'm alone in the issues that plague me.
I've accepted my life for what it is.
I've accepted I'm alone in this.
Yet you enrich me,
and I enrich you.
And somehow we work
despite how different I am from you.
I know there's a purpose.
Whether it's just a momentory stop
along my path to wherever it is I'm going.
Or this is a more serious place to rest.
I don't know what's best.
for now though, I know I am
where I am supposed to be.
Though, my strangeness
may scare you away,
I hope you don't flee.
I like that you're in my life.
I like that you want me in your life.
And in all seroiusness.
I want you with me.
Sometimes I wonder
am I too different
for anyone.
I set aside my concern
and I leave it to one whom
can maybe my life discern.
I see the pattern.
I see the strange dream.
He takes me from one to the next.
Teaching me, as I enrich and teach others.
the path is hard, there's no stopping it seems.
There seems to be no rest.
So much to do.
I get tired and just want to lay my head
down next to you.
Sometimes I wonder
where it is I go.
What it is I do.
What am I to you.
Sometimes I wonder
can I be even remotely
someone that enriches you.
sometimes I wonder
If i can be half as much as you are to me
then maybe
we'll be even.
Sometimes I wonder.
If I can ever be enough for you.
I guess as long as we live
in the moment, here and now.
We'll just have to wait and see
How our worlds collide
between you and me.
I write this in dedication to someone very special that is enriching my life. That I pray I am also enriching there's. And well, with valentines coming up. I think this is very appropriate for the season....
Sometimes I wonder
by Graywolf 2/12/2012
Sometimes, I wonder
where you were.
Sometimes I wonder
what's in the future?
I want to look ahead
and see your beautiful eyes
that carefree smile.
how many times
do I pick up and the phone
and find it's you I am about to dial.
Then I put it down and go my way.
There's so much I wish to say.
yet, it is your actions that keep me simply happy.
Yo show me my value to you.
It is simply how you look at me
and your consideration and care.
It's that depth of understanding we share.
I know it hasn't been long.
So, I don't know if any of this is real or true.
It's been a short time.
A few weeks,
and though the time passes quickly
there's so much to learn and know.
One minute I think I know you.
And the next I'm starting new.
Sometimes I'm intimidated
and others I find your sensitive.
It's really nice to see the concern
that comes across those caring eyes.
Though I assure that there's nothing wrong,
Your careful consideration and care come off strong.
It's your actions.
I know I've turned your world upside down.
I know I'm different
I know I don't know how to be or act.
I know it's pretty close to a fact.
I know I don't have much to offer.
I know that sometimes I give too much.
And at times, I'm oblivious to when I give too little.
I know that I'm flawed
and many imperfections are within.
I know at times you're intimidated
by my intelligence.
If you only knew how silly I feel
when put up next to your wise experience.
Though I could coordinate an activity
and sell a project to the highest level exective.
When I come up to you,
I'm but a teenager, learning for the first time
what its like to simply kiss.
And I'm highly impressionable,
subject to silly bliss.
I know few if any understand me.
I know I'm alone in the issues that plague me.
I've accepted my life for what it is.
I've accepted I'm alone in this.
Yet you enrich me,
and I enrich you.
And somehow we work
despite how different I am from you.
I know there's a purpose.
Whether it's just a momentory stop
along my path to wherever it is I'm going.
Or this is a more serious place to rest.
I don't know what's best.
for now though, I know I am
where I am supposed to be.
Though, my strangeness
may scare you away,
I hope you don't flee.
I like that you're in my life.
I like that you want me in your life.
And in all seroiusness.
I want you with me.
Sometimes I wonder
am I too different
for anyone.
I set aside my concern
and I leave it to one whom
can maybe my life discern.
I see the pattern.
I see the strange dream.
He takes me from one to the next.
Teaching me, as I enrich and teach others.
the path is hard, there's no stopping it seems.
There seems to be no rest.
So much to do.
I get tired and just want to lay my head
down next to you.
Sometimes I wonder
where it is I go.
What it is I do.
What am I to you.
Sometimes I wonder
can I be even remotely
someone that enriches you.
sometimes I wonder
If i can be half as much as you are to me
then maybe
we'll be even.
Sometimes I wonder.
If I can ever be enough for you.
I guess as long as we live
in the moment, here and now.
We'll just have to wait and see
How our worlds collide
between you and me.
O.k. well, It's been an awesome night. This has been a change in my life that is different. One that I can't process or fully understand, but that I embrace fully!! This is a good thing for me and it's all amazing.
I'm channeling this newfound positive energy that is a paradox to this time of year for me. I'm not going into any details. However, I've had something inspired by Evanescence that I wanted to write. It's been in the back of my my mind. I hate to write it now, but, it's something I need to write.
So, I want to preface this with the fact this has nothing to do with this day or this night. Everything has been awesome. I have to write what has been impressed on my mind in the last week or so.
Here it is.
Self deprication
by Graywolf 2/12/2012.
The voices they clamor for dominance.
"You'll never be good enough".
"You will fail"
"You don't deserve to know what has been denied."
"You don't deserve that which is ahead."
They all say their words.
They all fight to be at the forefront.
Who am I to stand in their way?
To fight is to lose.
So, what do I choose?
I go on,
hoping there's more for me to find.
Yet, it seems all my friends are here.
What is it they say?
"Why try."
"best to let the hopes of the future die".
"Might as well attempt to fly."
The voices snicker and echo.
They're always there.
They know life isn't fair.
Yet, they claim me.
All I want is to be free from their incessent words.
wake me up from this world.
Why can't they leave me alone?
What is it I've done.
What curse is this?
Fuck this!
I hate them.
I hate them.
Claw them.
Grasp them.
Rip them out,
rip them out.
I just want to shout.
Why is it
the voices I cannot doubt?
"Pain is your game"
"We'll always be here to keep things the same".
"You're so lame."
Be gone.
Be done.
Let me be.
I run free.
Like the wind.
I rustle the leaves.
I jump in the long grass.
I run fast.
Let the voices go.
Let the voices go.
I wish to no longer know.
I know not the future.
I release the past.
Voices be gone.
May the defeaning silence last.
"You'll fail."
They're still here.
When is it they'll set sail?
"You're unlovable"
"you don't belong"
be gone!
the fight is meaningless.
they'll never let go.
To give in.
Or to keep fightin.
Plodding into the future.
I don't know what's there.
One things for sure.
The voices will always be here.
I'm channeling this newfound positive energy that is a paradox to this time of year for me. I'm not going into any details. However, I've had something inspired by Evanescence that I wanted to write. It's been in the back of my my mind. I hate to write it now, but, it's something I need to write.
So, I want to preface this with the fact this has nothing to do with this day or this night. Everything has been awesome. I have to write what has been impressed on my mind in the last week or so.
Here it is.
Self deprication
by Graywolf 2/12/2012.
The voices they clamor for dominance.
"You'll never be good enough".
"You will fail"
"You don't deserve to know what has been denied."
"You don't deserve that which is ahead."
They all say their words.
They all fight to be at the forefront.
Who am I to stand in their way?
To fight is to lose.
So, what do I choose?
I go on,
hoping there's more for me to find.
Yet, it seems all my friends are here.
What is it they say?
"Why try."
"best to let the hopes of the future die".
"Might as well attempt to fly."
The voices snicker and echo.
They're always there.
They know life isn't fair.
Yet, they claim me.
All I want is to be free from their incessent words.
wake me up from this world.
Why can't they leave me alone?
What is it I've done.
What curse is this?
Fuck this!
I hate them.
I hate them.
Claw them.
Grasp them.
Rip them out,
rip them out.
I just want to shout.
Why is it
the voices I cannot doubt?
"Pain is your game"
"We'll always be here to keep things the same".
"You're so lame."
Be gone.
Be done.
Let me be.
I run free.
Like the wind.
I rustle the leaves.
I jump in the long grass.
I run fast.
Let the voices go.
Let the voices go.
I wish to no longer know.
I know not the future.
I release the past.
Voices be gone.
May the defeaning silence last.
"You'll fail."
They're still here.
When is it they'll set sail?
"You're unlovable"
"you don't belong"
be gone!
the fight is meaningless.
they'll never let go.
To give in.
Or to keep fightin.
Plodding into the future.
I don't know what's there.
One things for sure.
The voices will always be here.
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