O.k. well, It's been an awesome night. This has been a change in my life that is different. One that I can't process or fully understand, but that I embrace fully!!  This is a good thing for me and it's all amazing. 

I'm channeling this newfound positive energy that is a paradox to this time of year for me.  I'm not going into any details.  However, I've had something inspired by Evanescence that I wanted to write.  It's been in the back of my my mind. I hate to write it now, but, it's something I need to write. 

So, I want to preface this with the fact this has nothing to do with this day or this night.  Everything has been awesome.  I have to write what has been impressed on my mind in the last week or so.

Here it is.



Self deprication
by Graywolf 2/12/2012.

The voices they clamor for dominance.
"You'll never be good enough".
"You will fail"
"You don't deserve to know what has been denied."
"You don't deserve that which is ahead."
They all say their words.
They all fight to be at the forefront.

Who am I to stand in their way?
To fight is to lose.
So, what do I choose?
I go on,
hoping there's more for me to find.

Yet, it seems all my friends are here.
What is it they say?
"Why try."
"best to let the hopes of the future die".
"Might as well attempt to fly."

The voices snicker and echo.
They're always there.
They know life isn't fair.
Yet, they claim me.

All I want is to be free from their incessent words.
wake me up from this world.
Why can't they leave me alone?
What is it I've done.
What curse is this?

Fuck this!
I hate them.
I hate them.
Claw them.
Grasp them.
Rip them out,
rip them out.
I just want to shout.
Why is it
the voices I cannot doubt?

"Pain is your game"
"We'll always be here to keep things the same".
"You're so lame."

Be gone.
Be done.
Let me be.
I run free.
Like the wind.
I rustle the leaves.
I jump in the long grass.
I run fast.

Let the voices go.
Let the voices go.
I wish to no longer know.
I know not the future.
I release the past.
Voices be gone.
May the defeaning silence last.

"You'll fail."
They're still here.
When is it they'll set sail?
"You're unlovable"
"you don't belong"

be gone!
the fight is meaningless.
they'll never let go.
To give in.
Or to keep fightin.

Plodding into the future.
I don't know what's there.
One things for sure.
The voices will always be here.