Zombie Diaries: A Zombification Tale; (8)

Journal entry: 6/5/2013
Time of Entry Noted  as 3:05AM

I, Dr. Dirk Fingler, am writing this entry while monitoring the zombies from the outer window of the basement room.  I noticed unique changes in behaviors.  They have begun beating on each other. They are all showing signs of bruises and welts. I would chalk it up to disease or malnutrition, however, I have seen them physically getting into brawls.  The noise has been at times quite disturbing.  They've also begun salivating almost like they are rabid. So far, there's no signs of anything further than violence.
I suppose the violence should be enough given that this may invalidate my horde mentality findings.  Upon discovery of the pheremones though, I'm not sure what is motivating them to attack each other. In some of the cases they are attacking themselves.  Heh, I have to laugh. It's quite amuzing watching them attack themselves.  Quite uncoordinated yet, full force is used.  Given their increased muscle density and the youthfulness of their muscles they have the strength of 2 to 3 average humans combined.

This would be the ideal fighting group.  I've not been able to get into the room to clean the place up.. Although, since they don't ingest anything they do not excrete anything. This has saved me the hassle of cleaning the cage if you will, but, despite that, there's some disturbing things. Male genitalia have literally just openly fallen off and are laying around the room. They appear to have healed up and survived what loss of blood there may have been. But, they go on mindlessly ignorant of what they've lost.

I can only assume something similar with the females.  Day to day they continue to degenerate.  I fear leaving the office at night.  Knowing that people in this state of being are out there. On the roads, the streets, possibly around any corner.  Though, I continue to progress with my own issues. I have not reached this state yet.   Though I have open bleeding and sores in the nether regions as the skin simply looks so old, so dehydrated that it's basically just falling away. 

I don't believe anymore that the zombie apocalypse is avoidable. It's upon us.  I monitor the news daily, and more and more signs of  violence are occuring.  There's been a huge crackdown of law enforcement. I fear I am not immune. More and more staff just don't show up for work or call in sick.   The world is falling a part, and I'm losing a hold of myself in the process.  For some reason "The Center cannot hold."  floats through my mind.  It is as though the universe is caving in on itself, and I'm at a loss of what to do.   I trust that when I am finally able to send this off.   Someone can do something.  

I have had to lock up three of my own staff working on projects in the basement with the others due to their sudden turn to murderous violence.  I lost one staff in a brawl, and another was incapacitated and is currently in the hospital in a coma due to a single punch to the head.

I've been forced to build up my self defense arsenal.  I've purchased tazers and placed them around my office and my house.   I even have a couple in the car.  I don't want to kill, but, I've also decided to purchase an unmarked 9mm semi-automatic pistol, which I now keep taped under my desk. 

My testing continues and aside from the breakthroughs I've mentioned in the last few week's of updates, I haven't made any additional breakthroughs.  I continue to try different viruses and bacterias, on the zombie genetic codes.  I Today and tonight I tried Fingler concoction Z132 - Z145.  And still no progress.  No results.  The zombie genes continue to thrive despite cellular decay. In fact, the blood cells with the zombie genetic codes, remain completely healthy and go so far as to attack the viruses and bacteria head on.  Within 12 hours, the virus and bacteria strains I've introduced continue to be irradicated.  I am left to assume, these genes can not be modified. 

I have an Off The wall theory to try to simulate what I believe is the cure.  Given no progress for the last few months with the 150 infected cells I've tried -- Everything from Cancer, to aids, to the common cold and flue with no effect.  I have to try something new and out of the ordinary.


The Present: 12/1/2014
Dirk set the page down.  He had rifled through dozens and dozens of pages. He was exhausted, but, he needed to makes sure that the key points of his research was there.  Which meant manually reviewing everything.  He knew he would have to soon lock himself in the room. There had been more run ins with the law and other authorities. A majority of them ended up in his room.  He had been working the last two weeks trying to understand and plot where things went drastically wrong. Where was the turning point?

He felt he had come close to finding the turning point, he ruffled through a bunch more pages and found the next Entry.  It was the one he had been searching for.   He closed his eyes and mentally recalled it almost word for word. All he needed was one more look at it to know what it said. It was the confirmation, it was the final turning point of his research.  He wished it wouldn't have taken another year to put it all togeter to be submitted for formal review.  He knew his time was short. 

The more time that went by the more he realized that there was no stopping it.  He was afraid having his journals all in one place would lead them to being destroyed at once in an accidental fire or some other accident.  Given that signs of society crumbling was becoming more and more evident day to day.

He had purchased several fire proof and bullet proof safes. He locked them securely with big solid padlocks.  Some with keys some with combinations,  The combinations he hid in his desk in his office and kept the safes at home, and the keys he kept at home and one in his car for the other safe.  He made copies of all his research at this point and kept them all safely locked away. 

Dirk had grabbed his fountain pen again and continued writing.   It was the final piece of his journal.  He knew the cure, he knew what was coming, and knew he had to be quick. He continued writing the journal entry that summed up his three years of research.   The tears came more and more frequently to his eyes. Some of them mixed with blood landed on the parchment he was writing on.  He had done everything he could, now he had to accept his fate.  He picked up the last journal entry he would read one last time.  It was the turning point.  Though there was so much more to his research, Dirk understood now, and didn't need to read anymore.

He wept as he formed that journal entry in his mind, he put the pen down before finishing the entry he was working on to remember everything he had done.

Well, I wanted to say something more meaning for once.  Most of us have heard the expression that a picture / painting is worth a thousand words.  Well, I just wanted to point out, that no matter my skill level.  Trust me, I'm not the judge of my skill level, you the reader are!! HA!  But, no matter the skill level, I am a painter.  I couldn't paint a stick figure if my life depended on it.  However, I have pictures, and images in my head that my words work to form.  I am blessed with the ability to create paintings with words. 

As with any painting, each person's interpretation of the sum of the words is up to them.  I've read published poetry from Robert Frost to Edgar Allen Poe, and what are the chances that I'm interpretting what they wrote in the emotional frame of reference in which they wrote it? In some cases maybe I'm right on, in others, because of my experiences and life story, I may or may not be anywhere close to the original intention.  How can anyone but the author know the true original state of mind of the piece? 

Does that take away the meaning it has for each of us if we cannot know the author's original intent?  I don't think so.   Also, I might add.  Most of what I write... Heh. I, being the author and all, well, don't always know my own original intent.  LOL. I suspect I'm no different than authors of history. 

So, given that, I creatively paint a picture with words, interpret that image how you want.  I am just flattered you took the time to read this blog at all!! So, whether or not you find meaning?  Well, that's a personal experience for you the reader. 



The Journey
by Graywolf 12/27/2011


Locked within an invisible bubble,
Floating away into the sky.
I'm not sure, how, but now I fly.
Floating beyond the clouds.
Way past the beautiful sky.
And past the moon and the sun.
This seems like fun!
I come across a glittering asteroid.
A fools errand.
I float into it's chasms.
I spend an eternity searching.
I come upon a sign
"D e s p a i r"
Neglecting myself in need of repair.
I spend too long floating with this asteroid.
Instead, I've seen all I need from this place.
I gather up the sign and leave and float off into the sands of space.
Wondering where I'll go, where's my place?
Other bubbles pass by, I pass others by.
All are out in search of the universe.
Seeking new places to be.
Observing the planets, the stars, the moons, the skies.
Slowing and descending to check out an interesting place.
A swarm of sentient flying beings,
or a planet of draconic lizards.
Watch out, a space slug idly floats on by.
Moving to and fro I come to a space island.
A land rich in greenery.
It looks so peaceful.
A rushing waterfall off the side of the bubble.
It captured it's own land.
It's own place to call home.
The person within, lies next to the river
within their bubble smiling happily as they float through the universe.
The water sprays down the bottom of the bubble out into space. 
Freezing as it crashes into space into billions of droplets.
The person in the island is unaware of the universe they travel.
They have no need of anything more to know.
They simply take in the waterfall.
And let everything else go.
Upon their land I see a sign.
I float closer to see for myself.
It's says "H o p e"
The sign is little and stands in the river.
Splashed constantly.
I give in to my curiousity.
I follow this bubble.
Through the rest of the universe I go.
Spending multiple eternities following the bubble.
There's so much more I wish to know.
As I travel and follow I accumulate numerous unclaimed signs.
None of them spell out what the sign before me shows.
My land is covered.
Others come across my bubble and wave at me.
They smile and nod and fly on by.
As though they fully understand.
I stand and stare and I finally sit down in my land.
Accepting where it is I am.
"Hope is not the destination, it is the journey."
I see the signs for what they say.
And realize, the land I've been following
is no better than my own.
For so long I've flown.
And my land has all it needs.
And so, I sit down in the grass,
I go on my own and fly through space.
Taking it all in and letting it all go.
I've accepted I have what I need
and I know all that I need to know.
On through the universe
the destination is not mine
The journey is my experience. 
Where it is I end no longer matters.

Merry Christmas

This is just a quick post to say Merry Christmas to one and all. Faith is an important part of my life that has gotten me to the point I'm at today.  However, I will say I'm extremely open minded, and many pastors / preachers, would probably say I'm blasphemous.  Especially, when I finish my novel, if I ever get it published, there will be many pastors that would probably think I'm an evil blasphemous writer.

I'm o.k. with that.  My views of theology and good vs. evil are far different than what our manmade religions make them out to be.

Anyways, that's a discussion for another day. I just want to really express my sincere gratitude and thanks for the people in my life. I learned some things about myself this weekend and I learned the importance of people in one's life.  I never take anything for granted and I'm always trying to learn to better myself.  I feel I learned and am coming back to my home, with a fresh view on my life and renewed thankfulness for the people in my life.

Some of my friends have put up with me more than they should have to.   To them,  a sincere thank you for helping me realize what's important.  I know who I can turn to and I haven't been the easiest person to get along with amidst the holidays.   Thanks to a few very smart and compassionate people, I was able to learn about myself and just really take on a new appreciation for what's important in life.

I'm not perfect and well don't seek to be perfect. I've got flaws, weaknesses, and the part I was missing out on was the number of strengths and value I contribute to other's lives. Sometimes we're our own worst critics.  And sometimes I think creative / Artistic people, are cursed with the worst of curses in that they are even more critical of themselves than most non-creative people.   Yet, without that drive, we wouldn't seek to create the great intellectual works we accomplish.  We wouldn't continuously try to do better than our previous selves.

I've spent this year learning how to love life and embrace it for all the good it is.  Life is my mate, my partner, and although it is only a concept, it is important that we love life so that we have what it takes to live life to its fullest and to build others' lives up in the process.

Thank you to my wonderful friends that give me their support when I need it most.  I would have been so lost without you this year.  I hope God continues to bless me in 2012 with his love, mercy, and grace as I go forward renewed in what I've learned to appreciate about life!