Existence
2/28/2012
As one nears
the memory of
a time so distant.
The day allocated to remembering
when one took their first breath.
Did you laugh or cry?
Were you cute or silly?
No, you don't remember.
That day so long ago.
When the world was asked to wait
wait while you grew up.
Somedays you threw up.
Others you laughed and played.
Always your thoughts
were elsewhere, never here.
Never now.
They were always looking
looking for tomorrow.
As time went on and seemed to pass you by
you stood and wondered what it would be like to fly?
Still as a child,
the other kids, laughed, cried, and played.
While you were alone and dismayed.
The times seems so simple
there was nothing every wrong
and all was right.
No one could have possibly understood
your plight.
You were a child, one who's mind
had taken flight.
You left the confines of your body
to exist beyond space and time.
For when you were there
held in the confines of physical form
life was sour like a lime.
No one knew
where your mind flew.
No one knew why it flew.
Just take a breath and breathe a sigh.
For the life was a lie.
That life is dead.
There's nothing more to dread.
Yes, maybe some regrets.
These are things can never be corrected.
Maybe jealous of those gone on.
Maybe a little wishful thinking
of wishing what it'd be like
to exist in the great beyond.
Yet, so long ago.
You wanted nothing more to be
free from the cloak of childhood.
And, you wish
for the times when
For now just go curl up in your den.
Let the days go by.
Stop wondering why.
Stop dreaming and wishing you could fly.
Let the todays go.
And use all that you know.
It maybe hard alone.
Yet, it's what you
learned to live by.
There's no other
that can truly understand
where it is you've been
where you've gone
what you've done
and where you wish to go.
So, for now,
just go with the flow.
Let time slip by.
and then maybe
you'll learn to fly.
And if not.
That's o.k. too.
For the tomorrows
may or may not be for you.
Yet, somehow,
you'll know what to do.
WhiteWolf Within
Based on Whitewolf Within
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Unsettled!
Well, it's been awhile and this contains nothing more than a paragraph or two of just random thoughts and musings..... I just wanted to say, I've been busy finishing up teaching and finally getting my life in order to write more. I'm hoping to stay on track to finish my novel by June. I just put a brief amount of time into it this week and popped out 10 more pages or so. So, yeah, I've got lots of ideas and everything is coming along very well. I'm hoping to dedicate serious time to writing over the next couple of months to finish it. I've easily got another 200 pages or more of plot and story to write. I've got the emotional energy and mental energy to put into it now, so it's best to take advantage of that and put a lot of effort into it.
Nothing too critical has happened in my life at this point. I'm just proceeding to sit back, relax, and enjoy it some. I hope to have more actual writing posted here.. I wanted you all to know that my next novel adventure will most likely be the zombie apocalypse. I don't want to rehash any movie or any stories already done on zombies. So, this will continue the zombie diaries short story, with new characters, possibly far into the future from when zombie diaries took place, and it will be a completely slightly more real take on zombies in general. My goal is to convey a mature well thought out theme, amidst a comedic, yet, serious backdrop.
But first, I have a Novel to finish. Unlike the Zombie Apocalypse, (or some variation of that), I haven't in all the time I've been writing this novel thought of a title for it. For the one I'm writing right now.
I'm hoping to get it edited, have some cover artwork done, and post it as a cheap ebook on amazon. If I do, I will post the link here.
Nothing too critical has happened in my life at this point. I'm just proceeding to sit back, relax, and enjoy it some. I hope to have more actual writing posted here.. I wanted you all to know that my next novel adventure will most likely be the zombie apocalypse. I don't want to rehash any movie or any stories already done on zombies. So, this will continue the zombie diaries short story, with new characters, possibly far into the future from when zombie diaries took place, and it will be a completely slightly more real take on zombies in general. My goal is to convey a mature well thought out theme, amidst a comedic, yet, serious backdrop.
But first, I have a Novel to finish. Unlike the Zombie Apocalypse, (or some variation of that), I haven't in all the time I've been writing this novel thought of a title for it. For the one I'm writing right now.
I'm hoping to get it edited, have some cover artwork done, and post it as a cheap ebook on amazon. If I do, I will post the link here.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The Toy
The Toy
by Graywolf 2/22/2012.
Who am I to argue
with that which exists beyond time.
Nothing more than a top
a childs toy that twirls
when you spin me round and round.
pull my strings and I'll even dance too.
All the functions
all the technology of the most
advanced angelic toy that exists.
Do demons play with such childish
playthings as I?
Or is it just heaven and its angels?
Who am I to question
that which exists beyond all creation.
My limited understanding,
my feeble mind.
My foolish notion.
Kill me again and again,
What era will I live through next?
Or is this life a one time hex?
Will the next one be
the past or present.
Always moving towards the future,
but, do all exist at once?
so, next life I could exist
as the neanderthall
that I've been?
When does the game end,
when can I stop spinning?
When will no longer matter
who's winning?
Call a truce,
make peace,
Juse leave me somewhere
even the refuse
will do.
One time,
I was maybe shiny and new
then I no longer pleased you.
Now, like the rest
I'm stashed somewhere
wondering if I'll ever be out again
my durability to be put to the test.
So, await, the rest of my fate
with abated breath.
Wondering if this toy
will ever find life or death.
by Graywolf 2/22/2012.
Who am I to argue
with that which exists beyond time.
Nothing more than a top
a childs toy that twirls
when you spin me round and round.
pull my strings and I'll even dance too.
All the functions
all the technology of the most
advanced angelic toy that exists.
Do demons play with such childish
playthings as I?
Or is it just heaven and its angels?
Who am I to question
that which exists beyond all creation.
My limited understanding,
my feeble mind.
My foolish notion.
Kill me again and again,
What era will I live through next?
Or is this life a one time hex?
Will the next one be
the past or present.
Always moving towards the future,
but, do all exist at once?
so, next life I could exist
as the neanderthall
that I've been?
When does the game end,
when can I stop spinning?
When will no longer matter
who's winning?
Call a truce,
make peace,
Juse leave me somewhere
even the refuse
will do.
One time,
I was maybe shiny and new
then I no longer pleased you.
Now, like the rest
I'm stashed somewhere
wondering if I'll ever be out again
my durability to be put to the test.
So, await, the rest of my fate
with abated breath.
Wondering if this toy
will ever find life or death.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Rabbit Hole
Well, I don't know what to say about this one. A friend of mine, inspired me to write this. We were talking and I discovered I have this abiltiy to go down a rabbit hole that leads to a world of madness and insanity. I don't know if it's my way of avoiding uncomfortable topics, or just the way my brain works. But, regardless, I don't know what I'm doing! Ha!
The Rabbit Hole
by Graywolf 2/18/2012
Here and there
we pass through a dark corridor
I follow it's fluffy white tail.
Wait a second
Is it following me or am I following it?
So scared I'm going to fail.
Suddenly I'm falling as my arms flail.
Down down, or up up?
everything's all upside down.
Wondering when I'll splash and drown.
Finally, feet on the ground.
Or is it a cloud?
Soft and poofy
I walk ever so carefully.
The bunny is under me.
Twitching it's nose as it
displaces puffs of cloud.
I tired, and wondering
why the sound is so loud.
Here and there I hear a trumpeteer.
This is the bunny's hole.
Somedays I wish the bunny were a mole.
It twitches at me to follow.
We walk across cloud after cloud.
We look up and down.
the bunny has a frown.
It points at the ground.
It takes a running leap and jumps into my chest.
And I'm suddenly falling, wondering if
this furryThe critter really knows best.
A puff of dust rises as I strike the hard ground.
no bruises other than a bruised ego.
I walk around and a well mustached wooden toy
walks by and says Hello Amigo!!
I wave as the rigid toy walks by
Soon I walk into a green carpeted room.
Full of grass like carpet.
Soon the queen comes out,
she's clubbing every one and calling
them all a lazy lout!
The army of spades
and various crazy looking creatures come out.
The queen floats up to me on her brilliantly
red cartoon carpet.
She clubs me over the head with her broom!
She gives me a glare that sentences me with doom.
She stops to stare, then hads a crumpled piece of paper.
A loud obnoxious squirrel chitters and chatters as it
hyperly reads the paper.
It stands up bushy tail held high.
And in a booming roar.
Says, it is decided "You do not belong here."
I sigh in relief, knowing fully well, this bunny
had led me astray.
I acknowledge the statement
and ask a tree standing next to me
how do I get out of here.
The whole army being laughing in an uproar.
They told me I am sentenced to nowhere.
It's far from here.
I'm wondering how I get there.
They all eyed me silently.
They said, I've arrived...
As their voices quieted.
They left and disappeared.
The darkness closed in.
This was the sentence carried out.
I don't know what this world is about.
I don't understand the tree or green carpeted room.
Nor did I fully understand the queen of doom.
Yet, somehow, I 've found the place I belong.
It's a land of nowhere.
I didn't know I was already there!
I sit down and stop and stare.
There's nothing around me, no light or splinter.
No fire or tree.
There's just me.
I guess this is how it should be.
The Rabbit Hole
by Graywolf 2/18/2012
Here and there
we pass through a dark corridor
I follow it's fluffy white tail.
Wait a second
Is it following me or am I following it?
So scared I'm going to fail.
Suddenly I'm falling as my arms flail.
Down down, or up up?
everything's all upside down.
Wondering when I'll splash and drown.
Finally, feet on the ground.
Or is it a cloud?
Soft and poofy
I walk ever so carefully.
The bunny is under me.
Twitching it's nose as it
displaces puffs of cloud.
I tired, and wondering
why the sound is so loud.
Here and there I hear a trumpeteer.
This is the bunny's hole.
Somedays I wish the bunny were a mole.
It twitches at me to follow.
We walk across cloud after cloud.
We look up and down.
the bunny has a frown.
It points at the ground.
It takes a running leap and jumps into my chest.
And I'm suddenly falling, wondering if
this furryThe critter really knows best.
A puff of dust rises as I strike the hard ground.
no bruises other than a bruised ego.
I walk around and a well mustached wooden toy
walks by and says Hello Amigo!!
I wave as the rigid toy walks by
Soon I walk into a green carpeted room.
Full of grass like carpet.
Soon the queen comes out,
she's clubbing every one and calling
them all a lazy lout!
The army of spades
and various crazy looking creatures come out.
The queen floats up to me on her brilliantly
red cartoon carpet.
She clubs me over the head with her broom!
She gives me a glare that sentences me with doom.
She stops to stare, then hads a crumpled piece of paper.
A loud obnoxious squirrel chitters and chatters as it
hyperly reads the paper.
It stands up bushy tail held high.
And in a booming roar.
Says, it is decided "You do not belong here."
I sigh in relief, knowing fully well, this bunny
had led me astray.
I acknowledge the statement
and ask a tree standing next to me
how do I get out of here.
The whole army being laughing in an uproar.
They told me I am sentenced to nowhere.
It's far from here.
I'm wondering how I get there.
They all eyed me silently.
They said, I've arrived...
As their voices quieted.
They left and disappeared.
The darkness closed in.
This was the sentence carried out.
I don't know what this world is about.
I don't understand the tree or green carpeted room.
Nor did I fully understand the queen of doom.
Yet, somehow, I 've found the place I belong.
It's a land of nowhere.
I didn't know I was already there!
I sit down and stop and stare.
There's nothing around me, no light or splinter.
No fire or tree.
There's just me.
I guess this is how it should be.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Sometimes I Wonder
I've been writing more lately (in case you couldn't tell). HA! Unfortunately I haven't gotten to my novel, and so shorter pieces are all I have time for, until I'm done teaching. However, I needed to honor someone in my life. Someone very special. I don't know what the future holds. Whether there's more than a few days or a few months. But, you know, it doesn't matter. I just simply am keeping an open mind, seeing how things go. I'm not forcing anything, I'm simply enjoying what I have.
I write this in dedication to someone very special that is enriching my life. That I pray I am also enriching there's. And well, with valentines coming up. I think this is very appropriate for the season....
Sometimes I wonder
by Graywolf 2/12/2012
Sometimes, I wonder
where you were.
Sometimes I wonder
what's in the future?
I want to look ahead
and see your beautiful eyes
that carefree smile.
how many times
do I pick up and the phone
and find it's you I am about to dial.
Then I put it down and go my way.
There's so much I wish to say.
yet, it is your actions that keep me simply happy.
Yo show me my value to you.
It is simply how you look at me
and your consideration and care.
It's that depth of understanding we share.
I know it hasn't been long.
So, I don't know if any of this is real or true.
It's been a short time.
A few weeks,
and though the time passes quickly
there's so much to learn and know.
One minute I think I know you.
And the next I'm starting new.
Sometimes I'm intimidated
and others I find your sensitive.
It's really nice to see the concern
that comes across those caring eyes.
Though I assure that there's nothing wrong,
Your careful consideration and care come off strong.
It's your actions.
I know I've turned your world upside down.
I know I'm different
I know I don't know how to be or act.
I know it's pretty close to a fact.
I know I don't have much to offer.
I know that sometimes I give too much.
And at times, I'm oblivious to when I give too little.
I know that I'm flawed
and many imperfections are within.
I know at times you're intimidated
by my intelligence.
If you only knew how silly I feel
when put up next to your wise experience.
Though I could coordinate an activity
and sell a project to the highest level exective.
When I come up to you,
I'm but a teenager, learning for the first time
what its like to simply kiss.
And I'm highly impressionable,
subject to silly bliss.
I know few if any understand me.
I know I'm alone in the issues that plague me.
I've accepted my life for what it is.
I've accepted I'm alone in this.
Yet you enrich me,
and I enrich you.
And somehow we work
despite how different I am from you.
I know there's a purpose.
Whether it's just a momentory stop
along my path to wherever it is I'm going.
Or this is a more serious place to rest.
I don't know what's best.
for now though, I know I am
where I am supposed to be.
Though, my strangeness
may scare you away,
I hope you don't flee.
I like that you're in my life.
I like that you want me in your life.
And in all seroiusness.
I want you with me.
Sometimes I wonder
am I too different
for anyone.
I set aside my concern
and I leave it to one whom
can maybe my life discern.
I see the pattern.
I see the strange dream.
He takes me from one to the next.
Teaching me, as I enrich and teach others.
the path is hard, there's no stopping it seems.
There seems to be no rest.
So much to do.
I get tired and just want to lay my head
down next to you.
Sometimes I wonder
where it is I go.
What it is I do.
What am I to you.
Sometimes I wonder
can I be even remotely
someone that enriches you.
sometimes I wonder
If i can be half as much as you are to me
then maybe
we'll be even.
Sometimes I wonder.
If I can ever be enough for you.
I guess as long as we live
in the moment, here and now.
We'll just have to wait and see
How our worlds collide
between you and me.
I write this in dedication to someone very special that is enriching my life. That I pray I am also enriching there's. And well, with valentines coming up. I think this is very appropriate for the season....
Sometimes I wonder
by Graywolf 2/12/2012
Sometimes, I wonder
where you were.
Sometimes I wonder
what's in the future?
I want to look ahead
and see your beautiful eyes
that carefree smile.
how many times
do I pick up and the phone
and find it's you I am about to dial.
Then I put it down and go my way.
There's so much I wish to say.
yet, it is your actions that keep me simply happy.
Yo show me my value to you.
It is simply how you look at me
and your consideration and care.
It's that depth of understanding we share.
I know it hasn't been long.
So, I don't know if any of this is real or true.
It's been a short time.
A few weeks,
and though the time passes quickly
there's so much to learn and know.
One minute I think I know you.
And the next I'm starting new.
Sometimes I'm intimidated
and others I find your sensitive.
It's really nice to see the concern
that comes across those caring eyes.
Though I assure that there's nothing wrong,
Your careful consideration and care come off strong.
It's your actions.
I know I've turned your world upside down.
I know I'm different
I know I don't know how to be or act.
I know it's pretty close to a fact.
I know I don't have much to offer.
I know that sometimes I give too much.
And at times, I'm oblivious to when I give too little.
I know that I'm flawed
and many imperfections are within.
I know at times you're intimidated
by my intelligence.
If you only knew how silly I feel
when put up next to your wise experience.
Though I could coordinate an activity
and sell a project to the highest level exective.
When I come up to you,
I'm but a teenager, learning for the first time
what its like to simply kiss.
And I'm highly impressionable,
subject to silly bliss.
I know few if any understand me.
I know I'm alone in the issues that plague me.
I've accepted my life for what it is.
I've accepted I'm alone in this.
Yet you enrich me,
and I enrich you.
And somehow we work
despite how different I am from you.
I know there's a purpose.
Whether it's just a momentory stop
along my path to wherever it is I'm going.
Or this is a more serious place to rest.
I don't know what's best.
for now though, I know I am
where I am supposed to be.
Though, my strangeness
may scare you away,
I hope you don't flee.
I like that you're in my life.
I like that you want me in your life.
And in all seroiusness.
I want you with me.
Sometimes I wonder
am I too different
for anyone.
I set aside my concern
and I leave it to one whom
can maybe my life discern.
I see the pattern.
I see the strange dream.
He takes me from one to the next.
Teaching me, as I enrich and teach others.
the path is hard, there's no stopping it seems.
There seems to be no rest.
So much to do.
I get tired and just want to lay my head
down next to you.
Sometimes I wonder
where it is I go.
What it is I do.
What am I to you.
Sometimes I wonder
can I be even remotely
someone that enriches you.
sometimes I wonder
If i can be half as much as you are to me
then maybe
we'll be even.
Sometimes I wonder.
If I can ever be enough for you.
I guess as long as we live
in the moment, here and now.
We'll just have to wait and see
How our worlds collide
between you and me.
O.k. well, It's been an awesome night. This has been a change in my life that is different. One that I can't process or fully understand, but that I embrace fully!! This is a good thing for me and it's all amazing.
I'm channeling this newfound positive energy that is a paradox to this time of year for me. I'm not going into any details. However, I've had something inspired by Evanescence that I wanted to write. It's been in the back of my my mind. I hate to write it now, but, it's something I need to write.
So, I want to preface this with the fact this has nothing to do with this day or this night. Everything has been awesome. I have to write what has been impressed on my mind in the last week or so.
Here it is.
Self deprication
by Graywolf 2/12/2012.
The voices they clamor for dominance.
"You'll never be good enough".
"You will fail"
"You don't deserve to know what has been denied."
"You don't deserve that which is ahead."
They all say their words.
They all fight to be at the forefront.
Who am I to stand in their way?
To fight is to lose.
So, what do I choose?
I go on,
hoping there's more for me to find.
Yet, it seems all my friends are here.
What is it they say?
"Why try."
"best to let the hopes of the future die".
"Might as well attempt to fly."
The voices snicker and echo.
They're always there.
They know life isn't fair.
Yet, they claim me.
All I want is to be free from their incessent words.
wake me up from this world.
Why can't they leave me alone?
What is it I've done.
What curse is this?
Fuck this!
I hate them.
I hate them.
Claw them.
Grasp them.
Rip them out,
rip them out.
I just want to shout.
Why is it
the voices I cannot doubt?
"Pain is your game"
"We'll always be here to keep things the same".
"You're so lame."
Be gone.
Be done.
Let me be.
I run free.
Like the wind.
I rustle the leaves.
I jump in the long grass.
I run fast.
Let the voices go.
Let the voices go.
I wish to no longer know.
I know not the future.
I release the past.
Voices be gone.
May the defeaning silence last.
"You'll fail."
They're still here.
When is it they'll set sail?
"You're unlovable"
"you don't belong"
be gone!
the fight is meaningless.
they'll never let go.
To give in.
Or to keep fightin.
Plodding into the future.
I don't know what's there.
One things for sure.
The voices will always be here.
I'm channeling this newfound positive energy that is a paradox to this time of year for me. I'm not going into any details. However, I've had something inspired by Evanescence that I wanted to write. It's been in the back of my my mind. I hate to write it now, but, it's something I need to write.
So, I want to preface this with the fact this has nothing to do with this day or this night. Everything has been awesome. I have to write what has been impressed on my mind in the last week or so.
Here it is.
Self deprication
by Graywolf 2/12/2012.
The voices they clamor for dominance.
"You'll never be good enough".
"You will fail"
"You don't deserve to know what has been denied."
"You don't deserve that which is ahead."
They all say their words.
They all fight to be at the forefront.
Who am I to stand in their way?
To fight is to lose.
So, what do I choose?
I go on,
hoping there's more for me to find.
Yet, it seems all my friends are here.
What is it they say?
"Why try."
"best to let the hopes of the future die".
"Might as well attempt to fly."
The voices snicker and echo.
They're always there.
They know life isn't fair.
Yet, they claim me.
All I want is to be free from their incessent words.
wake me up from this world.
Why can't they leave me alone?
What is it I've done.
What curse is this?
Fuck this!
I hate them.
I hate them.
Claw them.
Grasp them.
Rip them out,
rip them out.
I just want to shout.
Why is it
the voices I cannot doubt?
"Pain is your game"
"We'll always be here to keep things the same".
"You're so lame."
Be gone.
Be done.
Let me be.
I run free.
Like the wind.
I rustle the leaves.
I jump in the long grass.
I run fast.
Let the voices go.
Let the voices go.
I wish to no longer know.
I know not the future.
I release the past.
Voices be gone.
May the defeaning silence last.
"You'll fail."
They're still here.
When is it they'll set sail?
"You're unlovable"
"you don't belong"
be gone!
the fight is meaningless.
they'll never let go.
To give in.
Or to keep fightin.
Plodding into the future.
I don't know what's there.
One things for sure.
The voices will always be here.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Used
Used
by Graywolf32 2/8/2012
Use
Used
A tool to be used.
a tool to be thrashed and abused.
A tool used by the user.
whom wields me and drives me into the ground?
Whom sees me for what I am.
whom knows the truth of my reality?
I seek out the thickest tree
and I'm embedded deep in its bark.
I light the night when its dark.
I start the car when its cold.
I produce furiture.
I do all that is asked of me.
I am a tool.
In the hands of a skilled worker,
I'm artistic by nature.
In the hands of a careless lout
I can only do so much, there's no doubt.
I'm a tool.
used by the great user.
Sometimes I bring joy as I serve my purpose.
Sometimes I bring about great sadness.
there's no rhyme or reason other than to serve my purpose.
I'm a tool
hammers and chisels are my friends.
Cold hard steel.
there's nothing more to feel.
Time is sometimes the ageless enemy,
sometimes it's the most convenient closest of friends.
sometimes it is fleeting by fast, sometimes, it's of the slowest snail pace.
Whatever the case, it is the one thing a tool must face.
whether used by many or one.
Or just there to wonder into lives.
Do what I can, then move on.
Sometimes years gone by,
sometimes merely days
before I take my leave.
I bring a smile, maybe two.
I keep something to keep my memory
of each of you.
then, the forces that be
make me see my reality.
I'm a tool, inhumane,
lacking anything.
I serve a purpose
which is to simply serve.
It's a vicious circle.
It's all I know.
My energy is not
reserved for me.
That would be selfish
So, i give,
endlessly
like a battery.
I've contributed
much energy
to the synergy of smiles
upon others.
And those smiles
start to see me as a bother
that's when I know.
time to move on to another.
And then
I go on and on.
There's nothing
I reserve for me.
There was a time
when I was asked
Why did you give
that which was desired
after I was turned away.
And I simply knew,
what happened to me
didn't matter.
The fact is,
what little I give
what little I gave
made someone's world
a little better.
For the path is narrow.
Few that find it.
I do not choose this path
because it's one that will last
or I'll have the time of my life.
It's a choice I make
to give to others what they will take.
I do not hold anyone accountable.
My will is indominable.
I am a tool.
Wielded and used
to serve a purpose.
And in so doing.
maybe the world will be better.
and no, no single minor act will be remembered.
That's o.k.
because maybe.
it inspired.
maybe, some of the greatest art.
Some of the greatest actors.
Maybe some of the greatest writers.
Maybe some of the greatest amongst us.
will be influenced by a single act.
And maybe that act
is all it took for one soul to go on
and inspire others, and those went on.
And in so doing my purpose is done.
by Graywolf32 2/8/2012
Use
Used
A tool to be used.
a tool to be thrashed and abused.
A tool used by the user.
whom wields me and drives me into the ground?
Whom sees me for what I am.
whom knows the truth of my reality?
I seek out the thickest tree
and I'm embedded deep in its bark.
I light the night when its dark.
I start the car when its cold.
I produce furiture.
I do all that is asked of me.
I am a tool.
In the hands of a skilled worker,
I'm artistic by nature.
In the hands of a careless lout
I can only do so much, there's no doubt.
I'm a tool.
used by the great user.
Sometimes I bring joy as I serve my purpose.
Sometimes I bring about great sadness.
there's no rhyme or reason other than to serve my purpose.
I'm a tool
hammers and chisels are my friends.
Cold hard steel.
there's nothing more to feel.
Time is sometimes the ageless enemy,
sometimes it's the most convenient closest of friends.
sometimes it is fleeting by fast, sometimes, it's of the slowest snail pace.
Whatever the case, it is the one thing a tool must face.
whether used by many or one.
Or just there to wonder into lives.
Do what I can, then move on.
Sometimes years gone by,
sometimes merely days
before I take my leave.
I bring a smile, maybe two.
I keep something to keep my memory
of each of you.
then, the forces that be
make me see my reality.
I'm a tool, inhumane,
lacking anything.
I serve a purpose
which is to simply serve.
It's a vicious circle.
It's all I know.
My energy is not
reserved for me.
That would be selfish
So, i give,
endlessly
like a battery.
I've contributed
much energy
to the synergy of smiles
upon others.
And those smiles
start to see me as a bother
that's when I know.
time to move on to another.
And then
I go on and on.
There's nothing
I reserve for me.
There was a time
when I was asked
Why did you give
that which was desired
after I was turned away.
And I simply knew,
what happened to me
didn't matter.
The fact is,
what little I give
what little I gave
made someone's world
a little better.
For the path is narrow.
Few that find it.
I do not choose this path
because it's one that will last
or I'll have the time of my life.
It's a choice I make
to give to others what they will take.
I do not hold anyone accountable.
My will is indominable.
I am a tool.
Wielded and used
to serve a purpose.
And in so doing.
maybe the world will be better.
and no, no single minor act will be remembered.
That's o.k.
because maybe.
it inspired.
maybe, some of the greatest art.
Some of the greatest actors.
Maybe some of the greatest writers.
Maybe some of the greatest amongst us.
will be influenced by a single act.
And maybe that act
is all it took for one soul to go on
and inspire others, and those went on.
And in so doing my purpose is done.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Memoirs of the Wolf
Memoirs of the Wolf
Short by Graywolf 2/5/2012
Sometimes I walk out onto the the street and look both ways wondering which way to go. There's no one around the cars are silent the lights are off. There's nothingness. I sniff the air, it's void of anything living. The wolf wonders the streets, going through town. There's nothing, there's no one. the spring breeze flows throught he trees. Yet the wolf can sense nothing. No danger, no living, no dead, just nothing. It's this great empty that the wolf fears. This great empty the wolf fears anyone to know. For within this place the deep dark thoughts flow. Though they are kept at bay, the wolf looks around, quickly and franticly searching.
The wolf's fur is gray, it's tail is low between its legs. It searches franticly. Panic pressing in. Is there anyone around. Something drove the wolf to town. Yet, there's nothing, there's no one. Not even animals to gossip with. No squirrels or birds to chase. The wolf's hunger grows.
It runs faster and faster through the city's streets. Stopping and sniffing car to car. The doors of building after building. Yet, nothing. What to do? Keeping his nose raised into the air he searches . No scents still. the wolf wonders into the country away from what's left of civilization. He searches the barren land. The grass is green, yet there's nothing. Not even a worm. He runs up to a tree and paws at its bark, and speaks in the only language it knows... "Pardon me, Mr. Tree, have you seen anything living?" The tree's branches and leaves wave in the breeze. There's no response. He runs to the next one and the next one until he finds one that's not in the great slumber. "Mr. Tree, Mr. Tree, I'm in need of food and am unable to find anything or anyone to talk to. So, I'm trying to find out from you." The tree awakens from it's slumber, it's old and tall. It's branches withered from the harsh winter. Few leaves have formed.
The tree lets out a loud yawn and speaks, slowly as though just waking up from a long sleep. "Mr. Wolf, I presume. The animals have gone. You're alone."
The wolf's fur bristles and it lets out a growl. Not know or understanding the danger he's in. He begs the tree angrily to tell him the truth. "Your hope has moved on, you're here, it's a choice you've made... so, curl up in my shade, and take a rest. There's nothing left." The wolf angry claws the trees bark and a willowy branch comes down and smacks the wolf away.
"You've chosen your place great wolf. This empty place is where you've come, if it is not where you wish to be, then, by all means, be gone..."
The wolf runs up to the tree lays down and curls up. Head on its large front paws. It rests. Its eyes close.
"Time to get up, are you going to sleep your life away? " the mom Yells as the 10 year old boy struggles to awaken. Wondering about his dream. He rubs his hands to his eyes and finds them watery. What is it he had dreamed? What was the nightmare. There was a lingering fear. The child slowly makes his way to do the morning ritual. Decades later, the child looks in the mirror and sees himself buried deep within.
The wolf and the child flash before the man. All three had something in common. What it was the man could touch, but yet, not understand. Not yet, It wasn't until he later realized that the world he lived in, in which he was the only being left behind, was the world he had created himself.
Though things changed, and the young child, the wise, naive wolf, and the man, had found a way to merge their lives over time. And gain acceptance of themselves. It was at this point though, the man knew the world he had created. Was a world he could never go back to. He left, it, the empty dark place where nothing existed but a single lonely willowy tree. And though the tree remained, it was simply a guide. A warning to all that went there to realize they would be stuck there forever, if they made the choice to make that empty place their home.
The wolf, the man, the boy, each made the decision, to move on, to the world of the living. To the world in which life abounded and existed. The world where the streets and homes were not empty. The world where the birds still sang their songs and the squirrels still played their silly, nutty games. It was in this world that the man, child, and wolf found their joy. Though, their fear, their memory, of that empty dark place, would never leave them. They always had that place in mind, it was that place that tied the three together. It was that place, they forever feared. It was that place they could never ever linger without being pulled in completely. It was that place that each avoided with strong conviction. This made all three a little sensitive and a little uneasy. Always uncertain what would trigger the next descent into that empty world.
Yet, They did all they could, to avoid that place. And in that hope and that purpose, they lived on. For the remainder of their days they worked to support each other, never being alone again. For each, the Wolf, the boy, and the man, served each other's purpose. It is in this that they were able to save each other from that empty place of despair. No one else was needed, they prefered the company of others, to help them reenforce each other, yet, they valued their time simply to be alone with each other.
The landscape of that empty dieing world turned intolerable with the grass becoming hot and barren, dry desert covered much of the land. Without anyone to come and attend to it, it became a dieing place. Yet, where the man, the boy, and the wolf lived on, thrived, with life abundantly. They were there for each other, for all their days. And over time even the desert simply began to be nothing but a distant memory.
Short by Graywolf 2/5/2012
Sometimes I walk out onto the the street and look both ways wondering which way to go. There's no one around the cars are silent the lights are off. There's nothingness. I sniff the air, it's void of anything living. The wolf wonders the streets, going through town. There's nothing, there's no one. the spring breeze flows throught he trees. Yet the wolf can sense nothing. No danger, no living, no dead, just nothing. It's this great empty that the wolf fears. This great empty the wolf fears anyone to know. For within this place the deep dark thoughts flow. Though they are kept at bay, the wolf looks around, quickly and franticly searching.
The wolf's fur is gray, it's tail is low between its legs. It searches franticly. Panic pressing in. Is there anyone around. Something drove the wolf to town. Yet, there's nothing, there's no one. Not even animals to gossip with. No squirrels or birds to chase. The wolf's hunger grows.
It runs faster and faster through the city's streets. Stopping and sniffing car to car. The doors of building after building. Yet, nothing. What to do? Keeping his nose raised into the air he searches . No scents still. the wolf wonders into the country away from what's left of civilization. He searches the barren land. The grass is green, yet there's nothing. Not even a worm. He runs up to a tree and paws at its bark, and speaks in the only language it knows... "Pardon me, Mr. Tree, have you seen anything living?" The tree's branches and leaves wave in the breeze. There's no response. He runs to the next one and the next one until he finds one that's not in the great slumber. "Mr. Tree, Mr. Tree, I'm in need of food and am unable to find anything or anyone to talk to. So, I'm trying to find out from you." The tree awakens from it's slumber, it's old and tall. It's branches withered from the harsh winter. Few leaves have formed.
The tree lets out a loud yawn and speaks, slowly as though just waking up from a long sleep. "Mr. Wolf, I presume. The animals have gone. You're alone."
The wolf's fur bristles and it lets out a growl. Not know or understanding the danger he's in. He begs the tree angrily to tell him the truth. "Your hope has moved on, you're here, it's a choice you've made... so, curl up in my shade, and take a rest. There's nothing left." The wolf angry claws the trees bark and a willowy branch comes down and smacks the wolf away.
"You've chosen your place great wolf. This empty place is where you've come, if it is not where you wish to be, then, by all means, be gone..."
The wolf runs up to the tree lays down and curls up. Head on its large front paws. It rests. Its eyes close.
"Time to get up, are you going to sleep your life away? " the mom Yells as the 10 year old boy struggles to awaken. Wondering about his dream. He rubs his hands to his eyes and finds them watery. What is it he had dreamed? What was the nightmare. There was a lingering fear. The child slowly makes his way to do the morning ritual. Decades later, the child looks in the mirror and sees himself buried deep within.
The wolf and the child flash before the man. All three had something in common. What it was the man could touch, but yet, not understand. Not yet, It wasn't until he later realized that the world he lived in, in which he was the only being left behind, was the world he had created himself.
Though things changed, and the young child, the wise, naive wolf, and the man, had found a way to merge their lives over time. And gain acceptance of themselves. It was at this point though, the man knew the world he had created. Was a world he could never go back to. He left, it, the empty dark place where nothing existed but a single lonely willowy tree. And though the tree remained, it was simply a guide. A warning to all that went there to realize they would be stuck there forever, if they made the choice to make that empty place their home.
The wolf, the man, the boy, each made the decision, to move on, to the world of the living. To the world in which life abounded and existed. The world where the streets and homes were not empty. The world where the birds still sang their songs and the squirrels still played their silly, nutty games. It was in this world that the man, child, and wolf found their joy. Though, their fear, their memory, of that empty dark place, would never leave them. They always had that place in mind, it was that place that tied the three together. It was that place, they forever feared. It was that place they could never ever linger without being pulled in completely. It was that place that each avoided with strong conviction. This made all three a little sensitive and a little uneasy. Always uncertain what would trigger the next descent into that empty world.
Yet, They did all they could, to avoid that place. And in that hope and that purpose, they lived on. For the remainder of their days they worked to support each other, never being alone again. For each, the Wolf, the boy, and the man, served each other's purpose. It is in this that they were able to save each other from that empty place of despair. No one else was needed, they prefered the company of others, to help them reenforce each other, yet, they valued their time simply to be alone with each other.
The landscape of that empty dieing world turned intolerable with the grass becoming hot and barren, dry desert covered much of the land. Without anyone to come and attend to it, it became a dieing place. Yet, where the man, the boy, and the wolf lived on, thrived, with life abundantly. They were there for each other, for all their days. And over time even the desert simply began to be nothing but a distant memory.
Balls!
Well, everyone, before I write this I just wanted to say hi to my fellow followers. I apologize to all of you that have been checking here now and then. I haven't written much lately (of anything). I've been busy, that's a bit of an understatement. As it is I'm struggling to have the energy to get my class work done. My career has been a bit of a disaster thanks to some changes that are keeping me walking on eggshells. A lot of triggers there, considering my past personal relationship...
Well, I have a person in my life that has been challenging me to think in new ways. She may or may not realize how much she challenges me, but, it's really refreshing to have someone that can challenge my thinking. Well, this is dedicated to the person that has challenged me. We were playing pool Friday and she says to me, "isn't the game of pool like the game of life... You avoid the 8 ball until it's completely inevitable and then one must face it." How many things in our life are like that 8 ball? We bounce around from ball to ball, trying to find a way to avoid that 8 ball. then, after we've exhausted all the possibilities we end up one on one with that last ball.
Coincidently this is a similar metaphor to the movie "The Gray". When Liam is faced one on one with fighting off the metaphorical alpha wolf. Most of us have that one thing we all have to face but do everything in our own power to avoid facing it. It can be whatever it is. I have had a lot of 8 balls in my life. I'm proud to say that as they pop up I face them now. Head on. I didn't used to.
I dedicate this to my friend who has inspired this. I dedicate this to all the people that read this. I know you all, whoever you are, have had things you don't wish to face and have a tough time struggling to face. I dedicate this to the struggles of the human race. May we face our "8 balls" together!
Balls!
by Graywolf 2/5/2012
Spinnning off upon the carpet of green
freely rolling from place to place.
Sometimes I feel so out of control.
Wondering where I next roll.
from ball to ball I hit.
Causing some strange cascading fit.
I sometimes wonder,
do the balls all roll away from me?
Or are they just rorganizing themselves?
Sometimes I run into you.
Sometimes I run into them.
Sometimes I just bounce off the sides.
I never know if I'm hitting solid or stripes.
I wish I knew where I was goin
and sometime I wish I knew my destination.
Sometimes I bask in knowing I'm just rolling around.
Someday, I may bump into you.
We share of ourselves for a brief moment in the universe.
It's that moment when our lives touch
just briefly.
Then we go on freely rolling our own way.
We all bounce around into each other.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a bother.
Yet, many of you have called me 'brother'.
Again, I go spinning as God's queue stick
pushes me into a new direction.
I bounce and roll and bounce some more.
I get to know a crowd for a moment
as it goes disbersing in its own directions.
Life is but a game.
I'm just a white ball that rolls around
with no claim to fame.
I wish I knew my goal, is it simply to
get some of you into God's pockets?
Or, am I simply to scratch?
I wish I knew how it is
I bounce around getting to know all
these awesome people.
Then I go on my way.
As I'm placed on the soft carpet of green.
I can never stay in the pocket too long.
My work is never ever done.
I go one.
From era to era, from time to time.
Putting the solids and stripes in God's pockets.
My life a testimony, my life a witness.
The angels all around look upon me and know
how things have been.
they know my end.
I see it in their eyes of brilliance.
I see the goal.
It's number a symbol for infinity.
It's single circle of white,
it knows my plight.
It stands there waiting.
Waiting for god to send me spinning into it's circle.
Just it and me.
I went from ball to ball
Hoping to flee this inevitability.
Here it is, the inevitable before me.
All I've wanted to do is flee.
Yet, here we are.
Two balls on a board,
both wanting to avoid God's final pockets.
When this is done, the game is over.
Seems a rather 'soberality'!
And wham, I'm off, aimed at that
infinite number.
And as we clash, the lightning flashes and thunders all around.
Heaven and hell collide in one booming sound.
It's though this was some epic battle.
Yet, it is just my demons and I.
Ants in a vast universe.
With billions of games going on all around.
this may seem epic,
actually this is just a simple topic
Each life it's own battle with that beady eyed 8 ball.
I strike true, thanks to God, with the push and shove,
I'm able to stem this battle and avoid the invitable for a while.
The little beady eyed ball rolls carelessly into the side pocket.
I casually roll away safely away, only for the game to start again.
It brings all its friends again.
I end up starting the process, and
over and over we roll into each other's life.
Time and again I get to know you, you get to know me.
We sometimes roll together for a while,
we sometimes roll away.
It's sometimes sad, it's some times a joy
to celebrate being free.
I roll around to not face that 8 ball alone,
yet, it's all been done.
Many times over.
There's no doover.
Yet, it always ends with that clash.
That final clash with eternity,
sometimes it's simply a closeted demon we try to flee.
Yet it's always there, always waiting, it never runs, it never is afraid.
It's always smugly waiting there watching us as we work hard to avoid it.
Take aim, and watch, as we shove that demon into God's pocket..
over and over.
Unfortunately it never gives up.
Yet, neither do we.
Locked in this struggle.
We grow and in this way, maybe
we somehow learn which way to roll.
Well, I have a person in my life that has been challenging me to think in new ways. She may or may not realize how much she challenges me, but, it's really refreshing to have someone that can challenge my thinking. Well, this is dedicated to the person that has challenged me. We were playing pool Friday and she says to me, "isn't the game of pool like the game of life... You avoid the 8 ball until it's completely inevitable and then one must face it." How many things in our life are like that 8 ball? We bounce around from ball to ball, trying to find a way to avoid that 8 ball. then, after we've exhausted all the possibilities we end up one on one with that last ball.
Coincidently this is a similar metaphor to the movie "The Gray". When Liam is faced one on one with fighting off the metaphorical alpha wolf. Most of us have that one thing we all have to face but do everything in our own power to avoid facing it. It can be whatever it is. I have had a lot of 8 balls in my life. I'm proud to say that as they pop up I face them now. Head on. I didn't used to.
I dedicate this to my friend who has inspired this. I dedicate this to all the people that read this. I know you all, whoever you are, have had things you don't wish to face and have a tough time struggling to face. I dedicate this to the struggles of the human race. May we face our "8 balls" together!
Balls!
by Graywolf 2/5/2012
Spinnning off upon the carpet of green
freely rolling from place to place.
Sometimes I feel so out of control.
Wondering where I next roll.
from ball to ball I hit.
Causing some strange cascading fit.
I sometimes wonder,
do the balls all roll away from me?
Or are they just rorganizing themselves?
Sometimes I run into you.
Sometimes I run into them.
Sometimes I just bounce off the sides.
I never know if I'm hitting solid or stripes.
I wish I knew where I was goin
and sometime I wish I knew my destination.
Sometimes I bask in knowing I'm just rolling around.
Someday, I may bump into you.
We share of ourselves for a brief moment in the universe.
It's that moment when our lives touch
just briefly.
Then we go on freely rolling our own way.
We all bounce around into each other.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a bother.
Yet, many of you have called me 'brother'.
Again, I go spinning as God's queue stick
pushes me into a new direction.
I bounce and roll and bounce some more.
I get to know a crowd for a moment
as it goes disbersing in its own directions.
Life is but a game.
I'm just a white ball that rolls around
with no claim to fame.
I wish I knew my goal, is it simply to
get some of you into God's pockets?
Or, am I simply to scratch?
I wish I knew how it is
I bounce around getting to know all
these awesome people.
Then I go on my way.
As I'm placed on the soft carpet of green.
I can never stay in the pocket too long.
My work is never ever done.
I go one.
From era to era, from time to time.
Putting the solids and stripes in God's pockets.
My life a testimony, my life a witness.
The angels all around look upon me and know
how things have been.
they know my end.
I see it in their eyes of brilliance.
I see the goal.
It's number a symbol for infinity.
It's single circle of white,
it knows my plight.
It stands there waiting.
Waiting for god to send me spinning into it's circle.
Just it and me.
I went from ball to ball
Hoping to flee this inevitability.
Here it is, the inevitable before me.
All I've wanted to do is flee.
Yet, here we are.
Two balls on a board,
both wanting to avoid God's final pockets.
When this is done, the game is over.
Seems a rather 'soberality'!
And wham, I'm off, aimed at that
infinite number.
And as we clash, the lightning flashes and thunders all around.
Heaven and hell collide in one booming sound.
It's though this was some epic battle.
Yet, it is just my demons and I.
Ants in a vast universe.
With billions of games going on all around.
this may seem epic,
actually this is just a simple topic
Each life it's own battle with that beady eyed 8 ball.
I strike true, thanks to God, with the push and shove,
I'm able to stem this battle and avoid the invitable for a while.
The little beady eyed ball rolls carelessly into the side pocket.
I casually roll away safely away, only for the game to start again.
It brings all its friends again.
I end up starting the process, and
over and over we roll into each other's life.
Time and again I get to know you, you get to know me.
We sometimes roll together for a while,
we sometimes roll away.
It's sometimes sad, it's some times a joy
to celebrate being free.
I roll around to not face that 8 ball alone,
yet, it's all been done.
Many times over.
There's no doover.
Yet, it always ends with that clash.
That final clash with eternity,
sometimes it's simply a closeted demon we try to flee.
Yet it's always there, always waiting, it never runs, it never is afraid.
It's always smugly waiting there watching us as we work hard to avoid it.
Take aim, and watch, as we shove that demon into God's pocket..
over and over.
Unfortunately it never gives up.
Yet, neither do we.
Locked in this struggle.
We grow and in this way, maybe
we somehow learn which way to roll.
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